15 Ways to Make Yourself Sound Sick

A person coughing into their elbow

Feigning illness is an art form that requires a delicate balance of exaggeration and authenticity. Whether you need to skip a day of work or school, or simply avoid an unwanted social engagement, crafting a convincing performance is crucial. The key lies in understanding the subtle nuances of disease, from the telltale symptoms to the corresponding behavior. By carefully mimicking these physiological and psychological cues, you can effectively portray yourself as indisposed without raising suspicion.

The first step is to identify the appropriate symptoms for your desired ailment. While some illnesses, such as the flu or a cold, are characterized by a wide range of symptoms, others, such as migraines or food poisoning, have a more specific presentation. Carefully research the common symptoms associated with your chosen condition, paying attention to both physical manifestations, such as fever, chills, or nausea, and behavioral changes, such as lethargy, irritability, or difficulty concentrating. Once you have a firm grasp of the typical symptoms, you can begin to incorporate them into your performance.

When mimicking physical symptoms, it’s important to strike a balance between being believable and over-the-top. Exaggerated symptoms may arouse suspicion, while subtle indications may not be convincing enough. For instance, if you’re pretending to have a fever, avoid the temptation to visibly sweat or shiver excessively. Instead, opt for subtle cues, such as a flushed face, slightly glazed eyes, and a warm forehead. Similarly, when portraying nausea, focus on subtle gestures, such as occasional retching or averting your gaze from food. Remember, the key is to convey the discomfort without appearing overly dramatic.

Feigning a Raspy Voice

Creating a convincing raspy voice can be tricky, but with a few techniques, you can achieve a hoarse and strained sound. Here’s a step-by-step guide:

1. Relax your Throat and Vocal Cords

Before attempting to speak in a raspy voice, it’s crucial to relax your throat and vocal cords. This will prevent straining and damage to your vocal apparatus.

Here’s a simple exercise to help you relax:

Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose.
As you exhale, make a gentle “haaa” sound.
Continue exhaling and making the “haaa” sound until all the air is released from your lungs.
Repeat the process several times, focusing on relaxing your jaw and shoulders.

Once your throat and vocal cords are relaxed, you can proceed to the next step.

Simulating a Nasal Congestion

A nasal congestion, also commonly referred to as a stuffy nose, is a condition where the nasal passages become swollen and inflamed, resulting in difficulty breathing through the nose. There are various ways to simulate a nasal congestion, some of which are:

Nasal Decongestant Spray

Nasal decongestant sprays, such as oxymetazoline or phenylephrine, work by constricting the blood vessels in the nasal passages, which reduces swelling and inflammation. This can temporarily relieve nasal congestion and improve breathing. However, it is important to use these sprays sparingly, as overuse can lead to rebound congestion, where the nasal passages become even more congested after the effects of the spray wear off.

Humidifier

Humidifiers add moisture to the air, which can help to loosen mucus and reduce congestion. This can be especially helpful in dry environments, such as during winter or in air-conditioned rooms. It is important to clean the humidifier regularly to prevent the growth of bacteria and mold.

Steam Inhalation

Steam inhalation involves breathing in steam, which can help to loosen mucus and reduce congestion. This can be done by boiling water and placing it in a bowl or humidifier. Cover your head with a towel and inhale the steam for several minutes. Caution should be taken to avoid burns from the hot steam.

Other methods to simulate a nasal congestion include:

Using a nasal saline spray or rinse
Applying a warm compress to the nose
Taking a hot shower or bath
Drinking plenty of fluids

It is important to note that these methods are only meant to temporarily simulate a nasal congestion and should not be used to replace medical treatment for an actual nasal congestion.

Exhibiting a Hoarse Cough

Hoarseness is a common symptom of a cold, flu, or other respiratory infection. It can also be caused by smoking, shouting, or using your voice excessively. To make yourself sound sick with a hoarse cough, you can try the following:

1. Drink hot liquids. Hot liquids can help soothe your throat and reduce inflammation. Try drinking tea, soup, or hot water with honey.

2. Gargle with salt water. Gargling with salt water can help kill bacteria and reduce inflammation in your throat. To make salt water, dissolve 1/2 teaspoon of salt in 8 ounces of warm water.

3. Use a humidifier. A humidifier can add moisture to the air, which can help soothe your throat and reduce coughing. If you don’t have a humidifier, you can try taking a hot shower or bath. The steam will help to moisten the air and soothe your throat.

4. Rest your voice. One of the best ways to relieve hoarseness is to rest your voice. This means avoiding talking, singing, or shouting. If you have to talk, try to speak softly and avoid straining your voice.

5. See a doctor if your hoarseness persists. If your hoarseness lasts for more than a few days, you should see a doctor to rule out any underlying medical conditions.

Benefits of Exhibiting a Hoarse Cough

There are several benefits to exhibiting a hoarse cough, including:

1. It can help you get out of work or school. If your cough is severe enough, you may be able to get out of work or school for a day or two.

2. It can make you sound more sympathetic. People are more likely to be understanding and sympathetic if you sound sick.

3. It can help you get attention. If you’re in a crowded place, a hoarse cough can help you get people’s attention. This can be helpful if you need help or if you’re trying to get someone to notice you.

Producing a Stuffy Nasal Discharge

To produce a stuffy nasal discharge, follow these steps:

Inhale steam. Boil a pot of water and place it on a table or counter. Cover your head with a towel and inhale the steam for 5-10 minutes. This will help to thin and loosen the mucus in your nasal passages.
Use a nasal saline spray. Nasal saline sprays are available over-the-counter and can help to clear mucus from your nose. To use a nasal saline spray, hold your head upright and spray the solution into one nostril. Then, tilt your head to the other side and spray the solution into the other nostril. Blow your nose gently after using the spray.
Take a hot shower. The steam from a hot shower can help to thin and loosen the mucus in your nasal passages. To take a hot shower, simply turn on the hot water and let the steam fill the bathroom. Sit in the shower for 5-10 minutes, or until you feel your nasal passages starting to clear.
Apply a warm compress to your face. A warm compress can help to relieve sinus pain and pressure, and can also help to thin and loosen the mucus in your nasal passages. To apply a warm compress, soak a washcloth in warm water and place it over your face. Leave the compress on for 5-10 minutes, or until you feel your nasal passages starting to clear.

Symptom	Treatment
Stuffy nose	Inhale steam Use a nasal saline spray Take a hot shower Apply a warm compress to your face

Displaying Slight Fatigue

To convey mild fatigue, incorporate subtle cues into your speech and body language. Maintain a slightly lowered energy level, allowing pauses and gaps in your sentences. Use slower speech patterns and avoid excessive gesturing.

Physically, adopt a relaxed posture, leaning back slightly in your chair or standing with your weight shifted to one leg. Avoid fidgeting and keep your movements slow and deliberate.

Nonverbal Cues

Cue	Execution
Posture	Lean slightly back in chair, shift weight to one leg while standing
Movement	Move slowly and deliberately, avoid fidgeting
Facial Expressions	Maintain neutral or slightly tired expression, avoid excessive smiling or frowning

Remember to maintain consistency in your verbal and nonverbal cues to convey a believable impression of mild fatigue. Avoid overdoing any single cue, as this may appear forced or artificial.

Fabricating a Headache

A convincing fabrication can be developed by exhibiting subtle signs and symptoms of a headache. These may include:

Physical Symptoms

Tensing your forehead and raising your eyebrows: This action simulates the tightness and pressure associated with headaches.
Closing your eyes and rubbing your temples: Massaging your temples can create the appearance of discomfort and relief.
Holding your head or neck: Gestures like supporting your head or rubbing your neck suggest pain in those areas.

Verbal Cues

Describe the pain using vivid language: Use phrases like “pounding,” “throbbing,” or “vice-like” to convey the intensity of the headache.
Exaggerate the effects: Claim that the headache is affecting your concentration, vision, or balance.
Request a quiet and darkened environment: The desire for solitude and reduced stimuli can further support the illusion of a headache.

Inducing Watery Eyes

There are several effective methods to induce watery eyes, ranging from holding onions to using eye drops:

Holding an Onion

Onions emit a strong, pungent vapor that can irritate the eyes, causing tears. To induce watery eyes with an onion, simply hold a peeled onion a few inches away from your open eyes for a few seconds. Do not rub your eyes, as this can cause further irritation.

Using Eye Drops

There are specific types of eye drops that are designed to cause watery eyes. These drops typically contain preservatives or other ingredients that irritate the eyes, causing tears. Consult with a medical professional or pharmacist to determine the most appropriate eye drops for your needs.

Rubbing Your Eyes

Repeatedly rubbing your eyes can cause the lacrimal glands to overproduce tears. However, excessive eye rubbing can also damage the delicate skin around your eyes, so it is important to use gentle pressure and avoid rubbing too vigorously.

Exposure to Wind and Cold

Cold, windy conditions can trigger watery eyes by drying out the eyes and irritating the mucous membranes. Spending time outdoors in cold weather without proper eye protection can cause watery eyes.

Cutting Onions

While holding an onion near your eyes can induce watery eyes, cutting onions is even more effective. The vapors released during cutting are more concentrated, causing a more intense reaction and producing a greater amount of tears.

Using a Hairdryer

The warm air from a hairdryer can dry out your eyes and irritate the mucous membranes, causing watery eyes. Position the hairdryer a few feet away from your open eyes and blow warm air towards your face for a few seconds.

Putting Salt in Your Eyes

Adding salt to your eyes is not recommended as it can be extremely painful and damaging. Salt can corrode the delicate tissues of the eye and cause severe irritation. Do not attempt to induce watery eyes by putting salt in your eyes.

Copying a Weak Voice

To effectively imitate a weak voice, consider the following techniques:

1. Speak softly: Use a lower volume than your usual speaking voice to create the impression of weakness.

2. Slow down: Speak at a slower pace, pausing between words and phrases to convey a sense of fatigue.

3. Lower your pitch: Slightly lower the pitch of your voice to give it a weakened quality.

4. Add breathiness: Breathe more heavily through your mouth while speaking to create a strained or breathless effect.

5. Nasalize your voice: Speak through your nose slightly to create a congested or stuffed-up sound.

6. Tremble your voice: Introduce subtle tremors or vibrations into your speech to convey a sense of weakness or unsteadiness.

7. Slur your words: Slightly slur your words together to create the impression of difficulty speaking.

8. Add pauses: Use frequent pauses in your speech to create a sense of struggle or hesitation.

9. Whine or cry: In extreme cases, you may incorporate whining or crying into your weak voice to convey extreme distress or emotion. Consider the following examples:

Whining	Crying
“I’m sooo tired. I can’t go on anymore.”	“I’m in so much pain. Please help me.”

Mastering the Art of Wheezing

Wheezing can be a convincing and innocuous symptom of sickness. Here’s a step-by-step guide to perfect the wheezy cough:

Inhale deeply: Take a deep breath through your nose, allowing air to fill your lungs.
Narrow your throat: Slightly constrict the muscles in your throat, as if you’re trying to whisper.
Force out air: Exhale slowly and forcefully through your narrowed throat, creating a vibrating sound.
Adjust the pitch: Wheezing can have varying pitches. Experiment with different levels of throat constriction to create a more convincing effect.
Add pauses: Break up the wheezing with occasional pauses to simulate a labored breath.
Repeat: Continue the sequence of deep inhalation, throat narrowing, forced exhalation, and pauses to maintain a convincing wheezing sound.

Advanced Techniques:

Technique	Effect
Controlled breathing	Creates a more realistic rhythm and pattern to the wheezing
Induced phlegm	Adds a wet, rattling sound to the wheezing, simulating congestion
Chest vibrations	Creates a rumbling sound that deepens the wheezing effect

Note: Be careful not to overdo the wheezing, as excessive effort can be harmful to your throat and lungs.

How to Make Yourself Sound Sick

There are a few simple things you can do to make yourself sound sick. First, try to speak in a hoarse or raspy voice. You can do this by clearing your throat repeatedly or by coughing into your hand. You can also try to speak in a low, monotone voice. This will make you sound more congested and sick.

Another thing you can do to make yourself sound sick is to sniffle or sneeze. You can also try to cough or clear your throat repeatedly. This will make it sound like you have a cold or the flu.

Finally, you can try to change your breathing patterns. Try to breathe in shallowly and quickly. This will make you sound more out of breath and sick.